Tips for a Successful Marriage
http://www.articleorange.com/articles/60/1/Tips-for-a-Successful-Marriage/Page1.html
Shannon Kietzman
I am a teacher and an author who has written hundreds of articles for the Internet, as well as ad copy, standardized test questions, ebooks, and "real" books. Learn more at http://www.shannonkietzman.com. By Shannon Kietzman
Published on 08/24/2006
This article explores methods for keeping a marriage long lasting, focusing primarily on communication and how to do it successfully.
Tips for a Successful Marriage
If you are planning to get married sometime soon, you might be a bit nervous about making the relationship work. After all, the divorce rate statistics do not paint a very hopeful picture. So, how can you beat the odds and grow old with the person you love?
Take Time to Communicate
It sounds cliché, but communication truly is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. Never fall into the “mind reading” trap in which you expect your partner to just automatically understand what you want or what you need. No two people are the same and, as such, you cannot expect someone else to think in exactly the same way as you do. If something concerns you or if you need something from your partner, let him or her know it.
Never Make Assumptions
Since we have already established that you cannot expect your partner to be a mind reader, the same holds true for you. Remember that you are not a mind reader, either. Therefore, you should never make assumptions about what your partner is thinking or feeling. It is far too easy to get upset with someone over something that you assumed. For example, you might assume that your husband is being insensitive when he leaves his beard stubble in the bathroom sink in the morning. In truth, he probably just doesn’t think about the mess it leaves behind as you goes through his morning routine in a daze. Chances are, if you discuss the problem with him, he would be more than happy to wash the stubble out.
Use “I” Statements
So, how do you go about successfully communicating your needs to your partner without causing an argument? Using “I” statements is a great place to start. When using “I” statements, you are accepting partial responsibility for the issue and you do not put your partner in a defensive posture. Let’s look at the beard stubble problem again. Which sounds better to you?
“Why do you always leave your beard stubble in the sink? Don’t you know how to clean up after yourself?”
Or
“It really upsets me to see beard stubble in the sink every morning. I would really appreciate it if you could clean it out after you are done.”
See how easy that is? It may take a bit of practice to get used to using “I” statements, but you will find that they come naturally after you have used them for awhile – and, your relationship will thank you!
Take Time to Communicate
It sounds cliché, but communication truly is the cornerstone of a successful marriage. Never fall into the “mind reading” trap in which you expect your partner to just automatically understand what you want or what you need. No two people are the same and, as such, you cannot expect someone else to think in exactly the same way as you do. If something concerns you or if you need something from your partner, let him or her know it.
Never Make Assumptions
Since we have already established that you cannot expect your partner to be a mind reader, the same holds true for you. Remember that you are not a mind reader, either. Therefore, you should never make assumptions about what your partner is thinking or feeling. It is far too easy to get upset with someone over something that you assumed. For example, you might assume that your husband is being insensitive when he leaves his beard stubble in the bathroom sink in the morning. In truth, he probably just doesn’t think about the mess it leaves behind as you goes through his morning routine in a daze. Chances are, if you discuss the problem with him, he would be more than happy to wash the stubble out.
Use “I” Statements
So, how do you go about successfully communicating your needs to your partner without causing an argument? Using “I” statements is a great place to start. When using “I” statements, you are accepting partial responsibility for the issue and you do not put your partner in a defensive posture. Let’s look at the beard stubble problem again. Which sounds better to you?
“Why do you always leave your beard stubble in the sink? Don’t you know how to clean up after yourself?”
Or
“It really upsets me to see beard stubble in the sink every morning. I would really appreciate it if you could clean it out after you are done.”
See how easy that is? It may take a bit of practice to get used to using “I” statements, but you will find that they come naturally after you have used them for awhile – and, your relationship will thank you!